Last Chapter of Life - (Part 7: for myself)

It has been 4 months since her sudden admission to hospital.
Oral intake is poor!
Handling liquid foods only!
Weight drop drastically!
Dentures not fitting anymore!
Early satiety.
Frequency of abdominal pain increase these few days.
Muscles wasted!
Fat store gone!
All these put her on a SGA (Subjective Global Assessment) of C, which means SEVERELY MALNOURISHED.

Every time I take care of her, I feel like I am back to Anatomy class. Watching her lying on the bed is like looking at a living skeleton! Nothing left, but skin wrap around bones. Her 'used to be' fitting clothes are 'super' oversize for her, dropping from weighing heavier than me to half of my weight. Mind you, my usual weight is 48 - 50kg, so there you go ~ you can work out the maths.

With what I have just described above, it pretty much sums up her 1/3 of her life this year: GONE, LYING ON THE BED!

As for me, I went through a period of being physically tired to a period of mentally tired. You can read it all here:  Last Chapter of Life (Part 1)Last Chapter of Life (Part 2)Last Chapter of Life (Part 3)Last Chapter of Life (Part 4)Last Chapter of Life (Part 5 - 无奈篇)Last Chapter of Life (Part 6 – Spirits)

And Part written for myself. I know the road ahead is going to be tough!

My mom recently shared with us, her pain of losing one of her brothers who suffered from Liver cancer. She said in his final stage, he complaint about intense abdominal pain and he had the urge to go to toilet constantly. Blood was found in his feces. It started with a tiny volume and in the end, it got worsen and he was bleeding uncontrollably from the other end.

I thought to myself 'What a tragic way to die!'. The worse part was, I think my frail old granny is following his footsteps.
Symptoms of abdominal pain - tick
Symptoms of the urge to pass motion (frequently) - tick
Signs of blood in her stool - tick (tiny volume noted).

Every time she stains her diaper, the smell spread all over the room! I have no idea why she still have output when her input is so minimal? When we open up her diaper, we have to hold our breathe against the stench! We put her onto her commode chair, let her relieve her pain and we clean her up as fast as we can. There are a few times I want to retch cause I just can't hold my breathe anymore!!!! So dear all, pay respect to all the nurses. I really salute them!

I didn't sleep well yesterday, she was moaning in pain the whole night and there is nothing we can do. I fear the day she bleed to death is coming closer. Being her caregiver, am I able to handle that??

I like the way it was phrased: From B to D there is a ‘C'. 
Ming Ming ~,  as much as you are tired of all these, she is tired too! Her time is short. Do have compassion and treat her the way you wanted to be treated. Remember that we will get old one day. Have 'C'ourage and stay strong; have 'C'ompassion and you'll be fine.

In the last chapter of her life, she taught me to Forgive and to have Compassion!


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