Last Chapter of Life (Part 8: The End)

I have not been writing about my grandma for a while……

It has been a 100 days. How are you settling in Heaven Ah Ma?......

Recalling the days when she fought for her life, moments when she looked okay one day and struggled the next day, till the day when Doc announced she will be leaving us soon, it has been a tough battle for her.

We knew it is coming. And it’s gonna end all her suffers. I thought we were mentally prepared but when her Doc told us her time is limited, we got emotional. Accepting death is not easy!

Tears rolled down my aunties cheeks. I hold mine back, trying hard to focus on Doc’s advice. Slowly, my vision of her Doc turns blurry.

I rang up my parents and my siblings to update them about Granny’s progress. Yeah, 4 months ago, I did the same thing ~ As I repeat myself over the phone, what felt unreal to me initially had sunken in. This is it! She is going! She is leaving us really soon!

We went into the treatment room to check on her newly set up IV Drip. Behind our faces were hidden emotions that we hope she would never notice. When we walked in, she stared at us, quietly, in her tiny frame, as if she knew what was happening! I avoided eye contact with her and rushed outside the room.

I know there is no exception and everyone is gonna die eventually. But my grandma is fearful of death and to watch her dying with fear…I just couldn’t take it!

As we were waiting for the ambulance arrangement to send her home, an ex-colleague of mine passed by and asked about her conditions. I forgot if it was the same night or the next day, another colleague of mine rang up and told me ‘There have been rumors that you are starving your grandma to death’ (if you recall my previous post, my granny's oral intake is poor)

‘WHAT????!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME GUESS, IT MUST BE HER!’


Huh, how sarcastic it is. When you think that all medical staff has caring personality, here comes one with a motive of backstabbing. Maybe I am being too pessimistic, okay, there are good ones out there. And thanks to her, I learn who my real friends are and who the hypocrites to stay away from are. After two years of working in that environment, if the other colleagues believed what she said instead of trusting my personalities and integrity, I have nothing to say except that I feel disappointed. I have nothing to hide; we have consulted her doctor and we are responding according to advice. Now, thank you for your concern and stay away from me, I am done with you.

When I was feeling emotionally disturbed by the malicious rumors, at the same time my granny got weaker and rely more on Morphine. Relatives were visiting, singing her prayers and comforting her. On Tuesday arvo, she became critical. Her breathe was heavy, with only 6 – 8 breathe per minute. Her eyes were wide and she was staring at the celing as if she saw something…….

Feeling so helpless, tears poured in again…..

We gathered around by her bedside, putting our palms together and pray for her. At that instance, I feel like our hearts were connected, we were focus! And we prayed louder!

‘Dear Buddha, please end her pain, let her soul soar free and lead her to Nirvana. And please, don't let her bleed to death’ I silently prayed.

I am gonna write the next bit in Chinese like how my mom did it on that day.

有人说,即将死亡的人若有太多挂碍,会 ‘走’得很辛苦。亲眼目睹之后,我也相信了。生命好脆弱啊!在一呼一吸之间穿梭。看着阿嬤挣扎着,老妈灵机一动领着阿嬷的皈依卡跟她说: ‘阿嬷,你的法号是 ‘贤音’,您已是佛的弟子,心不要有挂碍,佛祖来接引您您就好好跟着佛祖走。您的子孙都过得好。您交代的事情,我们会跟着您的意愿做好给您。你就安心吧!’

Everyone in the room witness that moment! We heard '嗯' (okay) and a gentle node. After that, all the male relatives were asked to wait outside the room, leaving the females to pray and changed her clothes. While doing that our home nurse checked her pulse; she made eye contact with me signaling that Granny is gone! We unlock the door to let my relatives in, my Aunty who lives in Singapore just arrived and she missed it!

On 14th Aug 2012 at 4pm granny left us......

Part of me felt sad about her departure, afterall, it's death we are talking about. Another part of me felt relieve, cause I know it ended her pain. I was so grateful that she didn't bleed to death like my uncle whom also had Liver Cancer. *Thank you Buddha*
It has been a 100 days.

The love-hate relationship that I struggled so much before is finally at peace. When I think of her, what remain in my head is the the gentle side of her. The pain she once gave us is gone forever. Like what I previouly wrote in Life Chapter of life (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 and Part 7). She taught me about  Forgiveness and Compassion. And in Part 8, she taught me one more thing: LOVE. You set yourself free from Pain and Suffer ONLY when you learn to Love. 

Before I end my post, I would like to extend our appreciation to her Doctor, Dr Gabriel Teo from Normah Medical Specialist Centre; Mdm Teresa, Home Care Services from Our Cottage; all the nurses who took care of Granny esp Slyvia, my granny's favourite and Rani, whom accompanied her till the end. Thank you so much for all the advices and care provided to my Grandma. And thank you for helping us through the difficult time.

Age 89, my grandma ended her last chapter of life. May you always be in peace.



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